Parent-Child Communications Problems

Today’s teenager encounters many problems in his diversified life. nevertheless, few teenagers ever discuss their problems with their parents – the two people who love them most and want the best for them – but prefer to talk about their problems with friends. Most adults feel they are aware of their teenager’s problems and are readily available to help solve them. But the teenager often fails to bring his problems before his parents because he senses in them distrust, preoccupation, and a lack of understanding – all of which seem to be contributing factors in this unfortunate failure to communicate.

Many adolescents feel that an older person, such as a parent, is unable to relate to the problems of the present day youth. Some parents fail to understand because of the different environment in which they grew up, an environment which produced different experiences and problems. For example, most parents see “going steady” as undesirable, even though most teenagers do it. The reason they dislike this practice is that when they were young, it meant the couple was planning to be engaged soon. Now, of course, this is not the case. Other parents tend to underestimate the pressures on today’s students, such as the necessity of getting superior grades in high school. When they were ready to go to college, the main requirement was having enough money. Today, however, it is necessary for a student to be in the upper fifth of his class if he is to enter a competitive university. Such things may be extremely important to the teen, yet seem merely foolish to an adult who does not realize the seriousness of the problem. parents also fail to realize the change in lifestyle their teenagers are making. They often cannot accept the fact that the dependent adolescent is changing into a self-reliant adult. Along with this change emerge added responsibilities and privileges. however, when giving advice, many parents act as though they were addressing a young child rather than someone who is almost an adult. Due to this lack of understanding on the parent’s part, the teenager feels he has no choice but to turn to his friends, who have similar problems and are more apt to understand him. Simple misunderstandings, then, such as those mentioned here, may become major stumbling bocks to attempts at communication between teenager and parent.

Distrust is another cause for this lack of communication. While parents may say they trust their teenagers, their actions often indicate otherwise. For example, many parents listen in on their children's phone calls or open their mail because they do not trust them to behave themselves properly. Also, parents frequently impose unreasonable restrictions on the adolescent's activities, simply because they do not trust his judgment. No Young person is going to talk openly to an adult who shows no faith in his intelligence or his actions. Furthermore, many parents demonstrate quite clearly that they are not deserving of trust themselves. It may be that they simply repeat to another person in the family something told to them in confidence, but, to many teens, this is an act of disloyalty. When this kind of mutual distrust develops, the lines of communication break down.

Another reason the teenager does not bring his problems to his parents is that they are often too busy or too wrapped up in their own lives to give him the attention he needs. To some parents, social commitments are more important than being at home to discuss the problems of their children. Or they feel that they can fulfill their responsibilities by giving their children money and a car. Some fathers, for example, are so busy working to provide these material comforts for their families that they have no time left to spend with their children. Even the television set can become an obstacle between parents and children. It is next to impossible for the teenager to bring his problems before his parents when they are sitting glued to the screen all evening, every evening. Parents who are too involved with their own activities to notice their teenagers' problem force him to seek advice elsewhere. In such families, lack of communication is due to the parents' selfishness.